this one's for the girls.
[cue Martina]
I turn 30 next week, which is a little surreal. The past year felt like a weird Groundhog Day scenario, so maybe I should just keep claiming 29? I don’t know… between witnessing a pandemic and protests, having a newborn baby and making it through a drawn-out election, I’m pretty sure I aged about 10 years, so I guess my claim doesn’t really hold up in court. I’ve also lived through one-too-many seasons as an Auburn football fan, which means the age of my heart is approximately 100 (if you know, you know).
30 isn’t old; I realize that. But reaching a new decade of life does make me do more reflecting. It makes me think about where I thought I’d be and where I am, all the things I thought I would know, and all the things God has done despite my “knowledge” or lack thereof. Gaining another year makes me ask, “What would I tell myself if I could go back in time?”
So here’s a list of advice for younger girls, in true 13-Going-on-30 style. Maybe you can share with your teenage girls. Maybe we can all gain a bit of courage for walking forward in the person God has called us to be. Or maybe my daughter will read this one day and think, “Wow, my mom was so cool and what on earth is 13 Going on 30?” (She has very little hope for not inheriting our sarcasm). And then I’ll tell her all about Jennifer Garner, the Jen-Ben romance, and the quick death of good rom-coms.
Okay, here we go.
…
Dear girl,
I don’t know where you live or what dreams you have or the kinds of clothes you wear, but I know you struggle. Because we all do. And we can probably find some common ground in the places we’ve walked—insecure and searching, confused and anxious and constantly seeking approval where we shouldn’t.
I have a few suggestions for you, most of which I wish I could go back and tell my teenage self. I probably wouldn't listen, but maybe you'll hear me out? If not, just be aware that I'm over here cheering for you.
First off, these days that you're wading through right now may be really great or really hard. Either way, please know that this season isn’t all there is. You might just realize that some of your biggest worries aren't really that big and some of your fears aren't really that scary. And if the fears and worries keep knocking at the door, I have some good news (which I’ll get to in a second).
I know this is so oppositely-cliché, but don’t follow your heart. Your heart probably wants to scream at your parents and get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend. Your heart is wrong a lot of the time. Listen to the people who love you and make decisions that honor God.
Emotions matter, but they do not matter most. Don’t grant blind obedience to your feelings. Instead, submit to the King of kings. Like a parent guides a child with rules and discipline and love, God wants to guide you. Let Him.
Being wise is better than being smart. By all means, be dedicated to school and academics, but be more dedicated to studying the Bible. This is where true wisdom lies. This is where the answer to everything lies.
Show people your genuine self over your curated one. Tell them your dreams and fears and joys and frustrations. If you don't have friends like that, go out and find them. Then hold them tight and make lots of goofy, ridiculous, wonderful memories together.
You know that one person who gets under your skin more than anyone else on the planet? Pray for them. It will do all kinds of weird and wonderful things to your soul. Remember that hurting people often hurt people; a little kindness and empathy toward others can go a long way.
Listen to your favorite songs when you’re in a bad mood. Turn off the devices every once in a while. Instead of scrolling, pull out paint or pencils and make big, crazy art. Sit in silence with your thoughts. Write stuff down. Read a lot of books and be generous with a laugh.
Don’t forget to take chances and take notes, be silly and sacrificial and pour out (real & Biblical) love to all kinds of people. Be quick to listen, slow to speak (tweet, instagram, tik-tok or whatever the kids are doing these days. Wow, I feel like a grandma), and slow to become angry.
Please don’t let the world drag you down. Don’t let any person steal your joy. Don’t let hateful words ruin your hope. Don’t cling to the standards of this world.
Dear one, the world will throw all kinds of insults, lies, and false promises at your feet, but you must not pick them up. You must always cling to hope. Because there is so much hope in Christ. He calls your name and gently whispers, “You are my beloved.” Don’t forget that you are uniquely and wonderfully made, knit together with specific purpose in your mother’s womb.
You will mess up (a lot). You will fall short (constantly). You will fail (both yourself and others). But while you are not enough, God is. He is there, ready to cast off your worries and forgive your sins if you surrender to Him. He has this crazy, beyond-comprehension love for you—deeper than the ocean and wider than the sky. The Lord of the Universe won the battle for you. He became the ultimate sacrifice, the essence of perfection, the symbol of Truth. Christ died and rose again, which means you now have a way to life. You don’t deserve this offer of new life and you never will. But that’s the agonizing beauty of the cross.
May you be cloaked in His love, washed in His mercy, redeemed by His grace. May your name be written on the palm of His hand. May your life bring Him glory.
I hope, with all of my heart, that you will know the hard but Good News: only in Jesus can our worthiness be found. We cannot make it on our own. His way is better. His rules are good. His promises will not fail.
And I think all of us, no matter the age, need this reminder—
the best identity is not found anywhere in this world; it is hidden in Christ.
Run to His arms, over and over again. Lay down all of the things you were never meant to carry. Hand over your mistakes, worries, fears, and sins to Jesus. Follow His lead.
You will find security and joy and a love like no other. Hardships will continue to come, I’m certain of it. But the old hymn remains true regardless of circumstances: ‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.
Keep looking up, sister. You are the daughter of a King.
Cheering for you,
Alex